Reframing Mistakes: How to See Failure as Growth

Let’s be real: making mistakes feels terrible.

Whether it’s a missed deadline, a harsh word you wish you could take back, or a relationship that didn’t work out—failure has a way of digging into our self-worth. It can stir up shame, self-doubt, and that all-too-familiar voice that whispers, “See? You’re not good enough.”

But here’s what I want to gently offer you today: What if your mistakes aren’t evidence that you’re failing… but signs that you’re learning?

Because that voice in your head—the critical one that turns every stumble into a personal flaw—it doesn’t tell the whole story. Not even close.

Failure Isn’t a Character Flaw. It’s Feedback.

When we mess up, it’s easy to go straight to “I am bad,” instead of “Something didn’t go as planned.”

That’s the difference between shame and growth. Shame says: “You messed up, so you must be broken.” Growth says: “You messed up, so now you know more than you did before.”

One is stuck. The other moves.

You’re allowed to look back at a mistake and ask, “What did this teach me?” That’s not denial. That’s resilience.

What Are You Making It Mean?

This is one of my favorite questions to ask clients when they’re being really hard on themselves:

“What are you making this mistake mean about you?”

Because a single event—forgetting to call someone back, getting rejected, falling short of a goal—doesn’t define who you are. But often, we attach meaning to it. We internalize it. And suddenly, it’s not just a mistake, it’s a story: “I always screw things up.” “I’ll never get it right.” “I’m not cut out for this.”

So I want you to try this instead:

1. Name the mistake

2. Name the meaning you’ve attached to it

3. Ask yourself: Is that story kind? Is it even true?
   

Chances are, it’s not. And even if part of it feels true, it’s likely rooted in an old wound, not your current reality.

Perfectionism Hates Mistakes—But Growth Depends on Them

Let’s talk about perfectionism for a second. Because that’s usually what’s hiding behind the fear of failure, right?

Perfectionism says: “If I just get it all right, all the time, I’ll finally feel safe / loved / worthy.” But that’s not how life—or healing—works.

Growth is messy. Progress includes setbacks. Healing involves circling back to the same patterns until one day... you respond just a little differently. And that “little differently”? That’s growth.

Mistakes don’t mean you’re broken. They mean you’re in process.

A Reframe You Can Practice

Next time you catch yourself in a spiral after a mistake, try saying this:

“This didn’t go how I wanted. But I can still learn from it. I can still move forward. I am still worthy of love and belonging.”

Say it out loud if you need to. Write it down. Put it on a sticky note. Let it be your new internal dialogue.

Because you don’t grow by avoiding mistakes. You grow by moving through them, with compassion and curiosity instead of criticism.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Reframing the way you see failure is deep, emotional work. It takes time. It takes practice. And it’s so much easier with support.

If your inner critic is loud, or if you’ve been stuck in a pattern of self-blame that’s holding you back, I’d love to help you work through that. Not to “fix” you—but to remind you that you were never broken.

You can book a session here, and we’ll take it one step at a time—together.

You’re allowed to make mistakes. You’re allowed to grow. You’re allowed to be human.